September 27, 2011

Kate - Goddess of The (accidental) Hunt

Yup. That's me. Except I've never actually gone hunting...

The thought of killing a critter makes me kinda sick.

Yes, I know where beef and chicken and fish come from.

Yes, I know that people all over the world have to hunt everyday for survival.

I'm just saying that I don't want to do it. And if the time ever comes that I need to hunt and kill an animal for food...well that'll be interesting. 

In spite of my dislike of killing critters...I've managed to kill a lot of critters.

On accident!!!!

The reason I am thinking about this odd phenomenon in my life today is this:
I was in the garage looking for something on the shelves when I happened to glance into an "empty" tote. There I spied 10 (yes 10) large dead spiders. 

A) Why do they go in the tote?
B) Why can't they get back out?
3) Why don't those dang spider traps I buy work this well?

Seriously. All I did was stick an empty tote on a shelf. Why did it turn into Spider Apocalypse 2011? 

I have a long history of accidental carnage. 

Long-time readers will know that I worked at a scout camp up in the Teton wilderness. There were a lot of mice up there. And there were usually a couple still there when I left. Poor little things.

Don't get me wrong. I really don't like mice. I've spent too many hours at camp cleaning up after them and finding them (and their poop) in my bed, the cupboards, the fridge, the oven...

This is the Deer Mouse. It's the most common one in these parts. 
 And I've killed...a countless number of them...on accident. 

 - Drowned in pots of  water left out to soak
- Drowned in large cans of pudding left out for the scouts to pick up
- Drowned in buckets of water used for shaving our legs in the teepee
- Smashed by #10 cans being stacked (okay one of these was on purpose)
- Falling in totes during the night and getting stuck (they were always dead in the morning...not sure why)
- Smashed in sleeping bags when we crawled in at night (yeah you heard right)
- Caught in oven when I didn't realize they were in there and turned it on

And here's the worst one: 
I was the camp cook. If I was in a good mood I would heat up the pancake syrup on the stove for breakfast. No electricity = no microwave = cold syrup most mornings

The syrup pot boiled over quite often. I would clean the syrup off of the stove top and not give it another thought. 

One day I was making breakfast at 4:30 AM (yeah you heard right). I could hear a faint squeaking but looked around and couldn't find the source.

I went about my business but could still hear that squeaking. After breakfast was over I started to look in earnest. That was a mistake.

I finally got down and looked under the stove. 

Unbeknownst to me a large puddle of syrup had been forming down there. (My stove was a massive propane run, cast iron beast with a griddle and 10 burners , not your typical home stove/oven)

Unbeknownst to be, mice like syrup.

Unbeknownst to me, between 10 and 15 mice had gotten themselves stuck in the puddle of sticky death. Think dinos in a tar pit. It was really horrible. All of their fur was coming off as they tried to pull free. I was crying so the guys helped me free the ones still alive. We only got two free and they looked a bit like this:
Only sadder and stickier.

We let them go outside but I'm guessing they didn't last long. 

I'm Sorry!!

Okay last example. I hope. 

I have "hit" deer three times in my car. I say "hit" because the deer actually ran into me. Really. Twice I was  at a complete stop and the third I was driving very slowly. And the evil deer slammed into my car. I dislike deer. 

So just FYI.

Highly effective killing machine here. 

It's a gift. I wish could return it... 


Jayne said...

Thank you for your essay on accidental killings, Kate, I found it most entertaining.

P.S. I like your hunting outfit. It suits you.

Kate said...

Essay on Accidental Killings

That has a nice book title ring to it :-)

And yeah, I do like wearing that outfit...but only for posing for hunting paintings. It's really not practical for actual hunting. Your legs get scratched up and if there is a gust of wind...well you get the idea.

Cortney and DeAnn said...

Oh the mice....

Brooke L. said...

I found this post hilarious. Especially the part with all the mice in the syrup puddle who were going bald. Wrong i know put i was just LOLing away.

Kate said...

Brooke it was so gross! I know...and funny.