February 4, 2011

Magpie Saga

Have I told you the magpie story? No? Well you are in luck today. Here we go.

This is a magpie:

Yes I know, they are beautiful. But don't be fooled by that! They are tricksey, thieving little Hobbits and "I caaan't stand 'em".

They are related to ravens, which equals intelligence. And they are mean. They attack people. They attack cats. They attack dogs. They attack really big hawks. And they attack all the pretty little birds that I like to feed! Unforgivable.

In the house I used to live in I had a gorgeous apple tree in the front yard. I hung around 10 feeders out there and would get the prettiest little birds coming around. Those nasty magpies would swoop in, scare the little birds away and then proceed to dump all the seed on the ground. They would eat the babies from the nests in the tree. Sometimes they would eat the littler birds too! Normally I root for the apex predator...but I just don't like magpies :-)

I would watch for them and go out and scare them off...about 10 feet. They were not scared of me. Finally, after they knocked some eggs from a robin's nest, I'd had enough. I grabbed the BB gun and pumped it 10 times. Those birds were going down.

I was super stealthy (they could see in the front window and would watch for us) and Army crawled across the living room floor.
I slowly reached up, opened the door and peered out. Oh and made sure my t-shirt was covering my undies.

They weren't leaving!

I crawled across the porch and slowly stood up.

The magpie eating the eggs just looked at me and sneered. You would think sneering would be hard without lips...but he managed.

I took aim.
It's helpful to point out here that I have never shot a living creature in my life...

I slowly squeezed the trigger and... nothing.

Safety was still on.

I busted up laughing (which my two roommates were already doing inside the house) and that scared the stupid magpie away.

I never did shoot one and I'm not what I would've done if I had actually hit one. I have a feeling there would of been a lot of screaming and running to get the sweet old rancher we rented from to come take care of it.

So the magpies lived happily ever after. The poor little birds continued to be harassed. And I decided to practice flipping the safety off...prior to taking aim.

Sure hope I never have to actually hunt for food for sustenance.

My roommates made this for me...they thought the whole thing was just hilarious.

The End.


Amanda said...

At least you own a gun, I'd be up the creak without a paddle if I had to fend for myself.
On that note: You are such a Kepsel. Your grandpa would be proud! even though you didn't shoot anything. Trying counts. :)

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Back in the dark ages,when I was just a girl, I was a bona Fide tomboy. One day I took the bb gun out and, rathervthan shoot at cans, I trained my sights on a sparrow and got him! I was so horrified at what I had done that I threw the gun to the ground and ran off crying. Taught me a lesson about gratuitous killing (no problem with hunting for meat).

Loved your story. C